Elvish Underpants
by ShinzonAurthurDentEiffel65nut
Summary: Happy new year everybody! Part three just published for all those who wanted to see Aragorn depantsed.... hee hee, i like that word.
1. Part One The Underpants Ambush

Elvish Underpants  
  
'Twas a cold crisp autumn morning in Rivendale. All was calm and quiet, birds sang softly and sweetly, joining with the far off thunder of waterfalls. All of the sudden the silence was broken by a bloodcurdling shriek! Which was followed by loud guffaws of laughter. Arwen rushed to the source of the noise to find out whatever was the matter.  
  
Eowyn was standing outside of Legolas' room, laughter so hard she was crying.  
  
"Eru woman! Whatever is the matter!?" Arwen cried, grabbing Eowyn's shoulders and shaking her.  
  
Eowyn contained her laughter long enough to point and say-  
  
"F-f-finally f-found heeheehee out w-w-what hahaha Elves hahaheehee wear under hahahahaha their ::Gasp:: clothes! Heeheehee ::Gasp::" Eowyn fell to the floor laughing, pound her danty fist on the stone floor.  
  
"Legolas? What's going on? Come out here right this minute!" Arwen yelled.  
  
A very embarrassed, red faced Legolas came out of his room in his underwear. It was then that Arwen realized what was so funny, she too fell to the floor and began rolling about in merriment.  
  
"IT WAS MY LAST PAIR!" Legolas roared, humiliated.  
  
Legolas was wearing a pair of silver velvety boxers shorts with "Family jewels" written on the front" and "Worlds greatest Dad" on the bum. He frowned at the two women, rolling on the floor with laughter, then turned and went into his room, slamming the door behind him.  
  
"Mind the f-family jewels Legolas!" Eowyn called from the floor.  
  
"I HAPPED TO LIKE THESE KNICKERS!" came the furious humiliated call from inside the room.  
  
"Whatever you say 'World' Greatest Dad'!" Arwen called.  
  
"Arwen Udomiel! Shut your trap or I'll tell everyone about you're My Little Pony thong!" Legolas called.  
  
Arwen stopped in mid laugh, gulped, choked and started coughing.  
  
"You wouldn't dare!" she hissed.  
  
"I would. Now, please go away so I can finish getting dressed."  
  
"Spoilsport!" Eowyn called.  
  
"Go and stick and egg up your nose!"  
  
So Arwen and Eowyn went off, leaving poor old Legolas to finish getting dressed.  
  
"I hope no one finds my stash of Thundercats movies. I'd never hear the end of it."  
  
&^%^&


	2. Part Two Return of the Knickers

Underpants Two.. Return of the Kickers  
  
*&^&*  
  
"JOE BOXER?!" Eowyn screeched from the library.  
  
A very embarrassed Hobbit bolted out of the library, clutching his pants, and muttering about 'Forced indecent Exposure'.  
  
"Oh Valar, she's at it again!" Legolas cried, grabbing the terrified Hobbit, who turned out to be Frodo. "Frodo! Are you alright?!"  
  
The frightened Hobbit babbled incoherently for what seemed like forever before he broke down and yelled-  
  
"EOWYN'S DEPANTSING EVERYONE IN SIGHT! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"  
  
The Hobbit wriggled out of Legolas' arms and ran down the hallway screaming bloody murder. Legolas burst into the Library to find Eowyn, madly chasing all the poor Elvish Librarians around, trying to de-pants them.  
  
"GOOD GOD WOMAN!" one of the scared Elves cried, clutching frantically at his backside. "Please leave my posterior out of this!"  
  
Eowyn cackled evilly before suddenly seeing Legolas.  
  
"Hobbits wear Joe Boxer." She said, plain and simple.  
  
Legolas looked at her incredulously for a moment before bursting out laughing.  
  
(Note: this comment is in regards to the shot of Frodo in ROTK in the tower. My best friend and I believe that Frodo's wearing Joe Boxer because they show a little bit of lettering and an elastic waistband.)  
  
Very suddenly, Arwen burst into the room looking very embarrassed and very red in the face. She grabbed poor Legolas by the ear and dragged him over to the corner.  
  
"Thanks to you. Legolas Greenleaf. Everyone in Imladris now knows about my. Less than adult underwear and have started a new trend!" she hissed, shaking Legolas.  
  
Once again, the door burst open and in stepped the five Hobbits: Frodo, Sam, Pippin, Merry, and Bilbo, looking very much like something out of a western movie.  
  
"We've come to de-pants Eowyn." Pippin said, in a very un-Pippin tone.  
  
Eowyn stopped laughing and gasped, holding a hand to her mouth in shock.  
  
"You wouldn't dare!" she cried.  
  
"Oh wouldn't we?!" Bilbo said. "You de-pantsed me in front of the whole council. I think it's time you got your just reward.."  
  
Eowyn looked for an escape, but couldn't find one, as all the Elven Librarians were blocking the exits and the five Hobbits and two Elves were advancing on her. They all jumped on her and held her down as Arwen "De- pantsed Eowyn". Eowyn struggled against them and tried to cover up her rather embarrassing underwear.  
  
"Hah!" Legolas yelled in triumph. "STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE! I MIGHT'VE KNOWN!"  
  
*&^&*  
  
What do you think? Should I continue? I don't care. This is just a little bit of fun I needed to get through. I've had a terrible writers block the last couple weeks. Please leave a nice review and tell me what you thought!  
  
Yours till the pen runs dry.  
  
Chibi Maury 


	3. Part Three, the Depantsing of Lord Arago...

Underpants Three- Aragorn. Depantsed.  
  
(*&^&*)  
  
(Note. This'll be short, but someone asked for Aragorn to be depantsed. So here it is.)  
  
The Kingly and Noble Aragorn (Whom I affectionately call Aragroin) son of Elessar, also known as Estel, also known as Strider, also known as many-many-other-things-that-people-have-decide-to-ignore, sat in his Royal Bathtub with Royal Bubblebath, washing his Royal Hair and Royal Knickers. With all the Depansting going on around here, he thought it was best to keep his pants on while taking a bath, for fear of someone trying to steal the Royal Tighty-Whities.  
  
"Oh what a beaaaauuuutiful Morning! Oh What a Beautiful daaaaayyyy!" he sang happily.  
  
One of his manservants came into the bathroom, holding one hand over his eyes.  
  
"Um sir?"  
  
"Yes Fidget!?"  
  
"Er, the neighbors have asked that you er.. Stop singing. It's almost ten o'clock at night." The boy said nervously  
  
"THE DOGS! Who has said this? WHO!?" Roared Aragorn/Estel/insertnamehere.  
  
"Er. Lord Elrond, sir."  
  
"Oh. Ok then."  
  
Aragorn finished taking his bath and got out of the tub, wrapping a towel around his chest.  
  
"Mamma Mia! Here we go agaaaain! Why Why?! How could I forget you!?" he sang again.  
  
A half hour later Aragorn came out of the bathroom wearing a bathrobe and a towel around his head.  
  
"Oh, hello dear. Had a good day?" he asked Arwen, who was sitting on his bed.  
  
"Yes as a matter of fact. We depantsed Eowyn today."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Strawberry Shortcake."  
  
"I always said that thing was Evil."  
  
Arwen nodded and inconspicuously made her way to his underwear drawer. She shoved several pairs of Aragorn's knickers into her handbag.  
  
"Night dear. I'm, off to be friendly with Legolas."  
  
"Alright. See you in the morning."  
  
Aragorn went about his business, getting ready for bed. He put on an herbal facemask and cucumbers over his eyes and crawled into bed.  
  
"I'm such a masculine king." he said proudly as he filed his nails.  
  
The following morning, Aragorn woke up, open the windows and was greeted by a horrific sight, flying on the flagpole.  
  
Arwen had stolen all of his most embarrassing underwear and run it up the pole. His leopard print thong flew merrily in the breeze next to his Lion King 'I just can't wait to be KING!' boxer shorts, below that were his Power Rangers tighty-whities with the green rangers printed on the crotch.  
  
There were many people standing around the pole, laughing and pointing at the embarrassing display.  
  
"ARWEEEEENNNNNNNNN!" he roared.  
  
*&^&*  
  
EH? Tell me something nice and you get a cookie. Sorry about the Aragorn bashing, I couldn't resist. Aragorn's great though. He is a very good character, I just don't like him because of him marrying Arwen. Sigh, all's well that ends well. 


	4. Part Four, What Dwarves wear

Underpants Four- A rather embarrassing situation  
  
GANDALF  
  
AN: What started out as a funny little one shot has snowballed into the monstrosity you see here now. READ WITH CAUTION!  
  
^%$%^  
  
Gandalf the White walked very calmly and carefully through the beautiful scenery of Rivendell. He was at his most wizardyiest, tromping about with his staff, glaring menacingly at any offending tree frogs. Suddenly, Gandalf came upon a waterfall. Naturally, he decided that now was a good time to take a bath, so he stripped down to his birthday suit and jumped in. The water was cold, poor old Gandalf yelped at the frigid touch of the water but soon became acclimated to it.  
  
Very suddenly, he heard a noise, it was the Dwarf, Gimli.  
  
"Hullo Gandalf! Fancy seeing you here! Mind if I join you?!" the dwarf asked jovially.  
  
"Come on in. The water's bloody freezing, but you might enjoy it."  
  
The dwarf jumped in, axes, chain mail, and all. Gandalf and Gimlikins splashed around for a bit, laughing and playing happily. Unbeknownst to them, someone was watching them from the bushes..  
  
*&^%^&*  
  
*&^%^&*&^%^&*&^%^&*  
  
That person jumped out of the shadowy bushes and grabbed Gandalf's robes.  
  
"HA!!!!! Just as I suspected!!!! NINTENDO BOXER SHORTS!!!!" Eowyn shrieked gleefully.  
  
A very wet Gimli leapt from the pool, wielding what he thought was an axe, but what was in fact, a carp. (The very same carp from every other humor fic I've written) The carp frowned angrily at Gimli, who flung in back into the water where it went to hide behind Gandalf's rather skinny bum. Gimli put up his fists, boxer style.  
  
"Come on! Come on! Fight like a man! Fight like a- Oh wait. Never mind. WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH GANDALF'S GREEN MUSHROOM BOXER SHORTS! THOSE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET KNOWN ONLY BY THE FELLOWSHIP!!!! UNHAND THEM!" Gimli shouted.  
  
Eowyn grinned evilly again, waving the boxers just out of Gimli's reach.  
  
"I will relinquish them. But only if you tell me one thing." She said in a low evil voice.  
  
"YES!? SPEAK QUICKLY!"  
  
"What do dwarves wear under their armour?"  
  
*&^%$#$%^&^%$#$%^  
  
*&^%^&*&^%$%^&  
  
*(^&*@#&*$^  
  
Gimli stared calculatingly at Eowyn. He stroked his beard, glaring thoughtfully at her.  
  
"Alright. Hand over the goods missy." He growled.  
  
She reluctantly relinquished the boxer shorts.  
  
"Tell me. What underwear do the Dwarves wear? Chain mail? Cotton? Silk? I must know the answer to this age old question!" she asked desperately.  
  
Gimli stared at her for a long moment, before drawing himself to his full height and looking her straight in the eye.  
  
"Dwarves don't wear underwear. We're a free-balling sort." He replied proudly.  
  
&^%$%^  
  
Well? Whatcha think. Sorry it took so long to publish this. I just had mouth surgery and have been out for the past week or so. I hope you liked this. It was kinda fun for me. Anywho, ttfn people. Please review! (Little button right down there! Press it! PRESS IT! You know you want to!) 


	5. Authors Note

Authors note:  
  
I am so sorry for not updating this, but my dog died a few weeks ago and I've been in a funk ever since. I really appreciate the reviews. I hope I will be feeling up to writing more of this soon.  
  
Yours,  
Lost and confused 


End file.
